“Why can’t I get an erection when I’m with my beloved wife?”

This is a concern that many men quietly struggle with.

When you’re no longer able to share intimate moments with your spouse, it can lead to worries like, “Is this creating a rift in our marriage?”

In this article, a physician who specializes in men’s health concerns will explain in detail the reasons why some men find it difficult to get an erection in front of their wives and the treatment options available.

 

Psychological Factors Behind Erectile Dysfunction with Your Wife

When a man is unable to share intimate time with his wife, psychological factors are often at play.

Sexual Routine Has Become Monotonous

If sex has followed the same routine for a long time without variation, it can become stale and lack excitement. This sense of monotony can dull sexual arousal, leading to difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection.

Past Trauma or Performance Pressure

If you’ve had negative experiences in the past—such as being criticized during intimacy or being rejected multiple times—those memories can create trauma. These emotional scars may lead to performance anxiety or a reluctance to engage in intimacy, ultimately affecting erectile function.

No Longer Seeing Wife as a Sexual Partner

After many years of marriage, some men begin to see their wives more as family members than as sexual partners. This shift in perception can reduce sexual excitement and contribute to difficulty getting an erection during intimacy with a spouse.

Physiological Factors Behind Erectile Dysfunction with Your Wife

If none of the psychological factors seem to apply, physiological causes may be at the root of the issue.

Poor Lifestyle Habits

Unhealthy daily habits can have a significant impact on erectile function. These may include:

• An unbalanced or irregular diet
• Excessive alcohol consumption or smoking
• Lack of exercise
• Irregular sleeping patterns or poor sleep quality

Such habits can disrupt blood flow and hormonal balance, which are essential for healthy sexual function.

Poor Circulation Due to Aging

Aging is also a common cause of erectile difficulty. Erections occur when sufficient blood flows into the penis. However, with age, blood vessels naturally become stiffer and less efficient, making it harder for blood to flow smoothly. As a result, the penis may not receive the blood it needs to achieve a firm erection.

How to Cope When You Can’t Get an Erection with Your Wife

When a man is unable to get an erection with his beloved wife, it’s natural for him to feel anxious, thinking, “Maybe I no longer see her as a woman…”

However, this situation can also cause distress for the wife, who may wonder, “Am I no longer attractive to him?”

To prevent this kind of emotional disconnect, consider the following coping strategies:

Have an Honest Conversation

Erectile issues are highly sensitive and can be difficult to talk about. However, keeping the problem to yourself will not lead to a solution and may further strain your relationship.

It’s important to open up to your wife, share your concerns honestly, and work together to find ways to overcome the problem as a couple.

Increase Physical Affection to Regain Freshness

Spending quality time together — such as going on dates just the two of you — can help bring back emotional closeness.

Visiting places you don’t usually go to can restore a sense of freshness in the relationship, which may reignite feelings of attraction and help resolve issues of sexual disinterest or boredom.

Change Your Environment

If you usually have sex in the same bedroom at home, try switching up the location.

Going to a hotel or visiting places you used to go during the early days of your relationship can bring back nostalgic feelings and help revive your emotional and physical connection. This change in environment may also ease psychological barriers that are contributing to erectile dysfunction.

Medical Treatment Options When You Can’t Get an Erection with Your Wife

There are many potential causes of erectile dysfunction, but in many cases, it can be improved with appropriate medical treatment.

Psychotherapy and Counseling

If psychological factors such as past trauma or relationship stagnation are behind the erectile dysfunction, psychotherapy or counseling may offer effective solutions.

According to the ED Treatment Guidelines (3rd Edition) by the Japanese Society for Sexual Medicine and the Japanese Urological Association, the following types of psychotherapy are considered effective for psychogenic ED:

Psychoanalytic Therapy	Supportive Psychotherapy	Sensate Focus Therapy
Autogenic Training	Systematic Desensitization	Sensate Focus Technique
Couples Therapy	sex education	Sensate Focus Technique

Reference: Japanese Society for Sexual Medicine / Japanese Urological Association, “ED Treatment Guidelines (3rd Edition)”

Use of ED Medication

ED medications work by relaxing blood vessels to improve blood flow or by blocking enzymes that interfere with the erectile process.

Some men may feel uncomfortable taking medication, but by achieving successful sexual experiences through medication, they can often regain their confidence and even overcome psychologically rooted ED.

In cases where aging is the primary cause, medication alone may be sufficient. For psychological causes, combining medication with counseling can significantly improve results.

For Men Struggling with Marital Intimacy, Consult Men’s Pride Clinic MITA TOKYO

It can be incredibly distressing to experience erectile difficulties in front of your beloved wife—especially when you’ve shared a long life together. This issue is deeply personal and delicate, often making it hard to talk about even with close friends or family. Many men silently endure the anxiety of how such challenges might impact their marriage.

If you’re facing such concerns, we encourage you to reach out to Men’s Pride Clinic MITA TOKYO.

This clinic specializes in treating sensitive male health issues, offering private, fully enclosed examination rooms to ensure your comfort and confidentiality.

In addition, online consultations are available, making it easy to receive support even if you live far away or feel hesitant about discussing your concerns face-to-face.

Conclusion

Feeling unable to maintain an erection in front of your beloved wife can be deeply troubling—not only as a husband, but also as a man.

Because it is such a delicate and personal issue, many men struggle to talk about it and end up carrying the burden alone.

If you’re hoping to restore intimacy and share meaningful time with your partner once again, don’t hesitate to reach out to Men’s Pride Clinic MITA TOKYO.

We’re here to help you rebuild the special connection you share with your wife—not only as a couple, but as partners who value each other deeply.